All Things Wrong – Chapter 20: The Pinnacle of Robbery

 

Godblessed City Northern Gate, two people are standing face to face, unmoving. On one side was Li Huailin whose sword had penetrated FlowingWind’s chest. On the other was FlowingWind whose sword was almost touching Li Huailin’s shoulders.

“What’s the matter?” Li Huailin was quite puzzled. After his sword had penetrated FlowingWind, there was no reaction from him. There clearly weren’t any records of him killing FlowingWind on his battle log, and he didn’t have any stunning skills too. So, why is there no reaction from FlowingWind? Now he can’t even move too because of this.

Just as Li Huailin was racking his brain for an explanation, FlowingWind suddenly took two steps back and sheathed his dual blades. He then lowered his head, and said with a soft voice, “I’ve lost.”

“Huh?” Li Huailin’s mind couldn’t process.

“Yay! Brother-in-law won!” Ignoring the stoned Li Huailin, ScarletDrink suddenly exclaimed in joy.

“W-Wait…!” Li Huailin’s was so shocked his voice started shaking. Even such a perfect plan was a bust?! What is with this world?! “Esteemed warrior, I don’t believe I’ve won…”

“Don’t say anymore. It’s not like I, FlowingWind, cannot afford to lose. Whether I’ve won or lost, that I can tell. If you have come at me seriously, I would have been dead long ago.” FlowingWind then took out 14 shining gold coins, “As per the agreement, this is 14 gold coins. Take it.”

I really don’t want your money…… Before Li Huailin could say those words, ScarletDrink suddenly ran forward from behind and took the 14 gold coins with an excited face.

“Wow! You’re so great, brother-in-law! We’re rich!” ScarletDrink held the gold coins and jumped about in joy, “Robbing is so much fun!”

“…….” LI Huailin looked at the jubilant ScarletDrink with a blank expression, his eyes looking far into the distance…

“I am certainly not your match now. That I admit.” FlowingWind started his own monologue here, “Though I don’t know what skills you have now, but just you wait. I will challenge you again very soon.”

“How soon, specifically, is your ‘soon’?” Li Huailin’s eyes brightened when he heard those words. It would be best if FlowingWind just rushed at him and cut him to death now.

“Give me ten days. After ten days, I will find you.” FlowingWind proclaimed with confidence.

“Ten days…?” Li Huailin blacked out! Quickly rush him to the nearest P*kemon Centre!

“Goodbye.” Ignoring Li Huailin’s plight, FlowingWind turned around and walked off on his own.

“Huh? I…!” Li Huailin could only watch as FlowingWind walked away, not knowing what to say at all. Just like that, the big fish has swum away, and there was nothing he could do about it.

“Why is it so hard to die nowadays…” Li Huailin sighed and realised for the first time that courting death was a difficult thing to do.

After heaving a deep sigh, Li Huailin, battered and disappointed by the world, sat down on the ground desolately and stared ruefully at the horizon.

“Brother-in-law, brother-in-law! The big fish has been caught, what do we do now?” The clueless ScarletDrink excitedly ran towards Li Huailin and mercilessly rubbed salt onto his wounds.

“I’m… tired. You go and rob people by yourself first and let me see how much you’ve learnt. If you encounter any troubles, just say my name.” Li Huailin replied disinterestedly.

“Okay~!” ScarletDrink nodded her head vigorously, thinking that this was her first time robbing, so she must do it well to make brother-in-law see her in a new light!

“En, go forth, my student…” Li Huailin casually sent ScarletDrink off.

Thus, ScarletDrink went to the same bush to hide again, and Li Huailin just sat boldly not far away in the Thinker pose, contemplating on his next training (dying) plan.

Soon, another player appeared. This was a Hunter, with an uncommon bow on his back. He also had five other uncommon equipment, making him quite a rich player.

Just as the hunter left the Northern Gate, he looked left and right, as if he was trying to search for someone.

“This road was paved by me, er… leave behind some money!” ScarletDrink immediately jumped out of the bush and started reading off a robber’s script. Of course, she had already started to forget it already, since Li Huailin interrupted her when she was putting it into practice. (T/N: Demacia!!!)

“Woah!” The hunter was obviously schocked, and after recovering, looked at ScarletDrink who just popped out, “What are you doing?”

“Robbing you! Quick! Give me the money!” ScarletDrink suddenly recalled something after finishing her words, and tried cracking her fist again. Alas, it was to no avail. She still looked cute trying though.

“Robbery? You?” The hunter looked confused, “Just you?”

“Umm… this…” ScarletDrink was quite anxious. Why wasn’t this guy getting on his knees and begging for mercy? As she thought, her eyes suddenly brightened, and she moved aside and pointed at Li Huailin who was still in the Thinker pose. She then put on a fierce(?) expression, “Y-You see! That’s my brother-in-law, one of the best in the realm of robbery! Quickly give me the money, or I will call my brother-in-law to beat you up!”

The hunter looked at the area behind ScarletDrink, and his eyes lit when he saw Li Huailin in the Thinker pose. His expression immediately got better.

“Did your brother-in-law send you to rob people?”

“Y-Yes! Are you scared now?” ScarletDrink replied fiercely, questionably fiercely.

“Oh, I see…” The hunter nodded his head, and took out ten silver coins from his coin pouch, “Here, this is my money, take it.”

“Huh? Really?! Yay!” ScarletDrink happily accepted the money, but immediately realised that this was wrong! I’m still in the middle of robbing someone, how can I just get happy like this?! Thus, with such a thought, she tried her best to make a composed expression, and said, “Um-hum! You’re a smart one. You can go now!”

“Oh, okay.” The hunter was really decisive, and just returned after giving the money.

“Yay! Yay!” Seeing the hunter leave, ScarletDrink immediately got happy again and rushed towards Li Huailin. “Brother-in-law, brother-in-law! Look, look! I succeeded in robbing someone alone on my first try! See, I got ten silver coins!”

“Nani?!1” The shocked Li Huailin started using Japanese. “Is robbing so easy now? Even this girl can be successful?”

“How did you do it?” Li Huailin could not believe his eyes, and asked with disbelief.

“I just went up threatened him, copied brother-in-law and cracked(?) my fist, and he just gave the money to me! What brother-in-law taught me is really useful!” ScarletDrink replied jovially.

My nonsense is actually useful?! Li Huailin was instantly slack-jawed.

Just as he was thinking if the world was still okay, another player walked over. Seeing Li Huailin and ScarletDrink, the player’s eyes lit up, and asked, “Hey, you two over there! Are you robbing people?”

“Huh?” Li Huailin turned his head around in shock. What the hell was going on?! Do people nowadays engage with robbers like this too?

“Right, right! We are here to rob people!” ScarletDrink replied while waving her hands.

“Oh, here. This is my money.” The player didn’t say anything more and gave twenty silver coins to ScarletDrink.

“……” Li Huailin, currently in stasis.

“You guys go on and do your own stuff. I will be going off first.” After giving the money, the player ran off excitedly.

“Yay! Brother-in-law, we got more money!”

“Hey, hey, just how is your brain wired? Don’t you think something is weird?” Li Huailin couldn’t help but retort the naive ScarletDrink.

“Huh? What is wrong?” ScarletDrink asked while tilting her head and putting her hands on her lips. Li Huailin swore he could see a big ‘?’ floating from her head.

“You should be asking ‘What is right?’! Everything is wrong!”

“Huh? Is it?” ScarletDrink rubbed her head, confusion written on her face.

“I…”

Just as Li Huailin was going to explain the oddity of the situation, another player walked over, a girl this time.

“Excuse me, are there any robbers here?” The female player asked, a little shyly.

“……” Li Huailin turned around and looked at the female player with a blank, vacant face.

“Here!” The female player suddenly extended her hands and passed Li Huailin 15 silver coins, before turning around and escaping with a red face.

“Brother-in-law, you’re so awesome! Without saying a word, with just a look, you successfully robbed someone! Is this the pinnacle of robbery?” ScarletDrink looked at Li Huailin with reverence.

“Dafuq! This isn’t logical! What the hell is going on?!?!” Li Huailin shouted while looking at the 15 silver coins in his hands.

Just as Li Huailin finished roaring, yet another two player walked over, “Are you robbing people here?”

“Yeah… give it if you want to…” Li Huailin was already rubbing his temples.

“Okay, here!”

Thus, while Li Huailin was still completely clueless about why this was happening, wave after wave of people walked over to Li Huailin and begged to be robbed. At first, it was just one or two people coming, but as time passed, they literally formed groups to come!


“Are you robbing people here~” A player asked.

“Yes, right here… Queue up there and wait…” Li Huailin said, already getting used to this absurdity.


“Huailin!” Just as Li Huailin was tending to the people coming over to get robbed, a familiar voice called him.

“Ye Hang? What a coincidence.” Li Huailin turned around and looked at Ye Hang, surprised. It was indeed a great coincidence. <Heart of Glory> was so big, but the two of them could meet again without planning.

“What coincidence? I specially came here to see you.” Ye Hang pat Li Huailin’s shoulders to show friendliness.

“Specially here for me? Why do you know I’m here?” Li Huailin asked, puzzled.

“Any earthing would know!” Ye Hang smiled. “When I just logged into the forum today, I immediately saw someone posting that Brother Niubi needed money urgently, and was in such dire straits that he had to resort to robbing at the Northern Gates. The post beseeched those richer players to lend you a helping hand. Talking about this, you should have told me if you needed money! Even if you don’t want to borrow from a guild, I myself am willing to help you. Here, I brought 10 gold for you, don’t complain that it’s little.”

“A post on the forum?”

“Yeah, it’s the top post too!”

“……”

“……”

“F***! Don’t let me know which m*ther******* did this to me! If not, I will f*cking slap you till you turn silly!”


Translator’s Notes:

Late by 9 minutes? Haha


Saquacon (Translator)

Saquacon (PR)     

 

<< Previous suicide | Index | Next suicide >>

 

  1. Japanese for What?!

6 Replies to “All Things Wrong – Chapter 20: The Pinnacle of Robbery”

  1. Javidom

    omfg, this is glorious ^^ well, it was obvious that someone is gonna make a post about it…

    i wonder when will he start to suicide? i mean… city… high buildings, just hump to your death; i bet all those people would find some weird explanation why he is trying to kill himself now ^^

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.