Hero – Chapter 2: The Bastard Is Actually Kind Of Badass?

I’d advise you to notice and keep in mind the question mark in the title… That said, on with what happened after I got conned by that piece of dogshit.

The hallway was spacious enough to fit a couple hundred people at the same time. It had smooth, chiselled stone floors with numerous narrow crevices leading outside the walls. Likely to act as a drainage system during storms. The windows were made of reinforced wood which was further fortified by a bars made of a dull black metal that seemed to suck light in. Scratch that. They didn’t ‘seem’ to suck light in. They actually sucked in light. Not at the level of a black hole of course. It was a milder kind of distortion but an effective one for keeping defending troops alive. And if I were to look at it from that perspective……

“Then these crevices aren’t for merely draining away rain water then either… Damn this place makes fort knox look like a block of cheese. Whoever planned this definitely knew what he was doing……” I subconsciously muttered out loud.

“Of course! Our king is a wise ruler that’s mastered numerous fields of study! This castle was personally designed by him! The fact that lord hero can see through the some of the hidden defenses so easily is simply outstanding. Can you guess them all?” The silver statue walking in front of me replied.

“The pillars are obviously one. The number of them in this hall far surpass mere overkill to the point of being suspicious. Plus, there’s a hole leading out of a couple of them and into the drainage system. The ceiling supports is another obvious one. Even for a castle, the amount used is ridiculously extravagant. I’m guessing those are hidden pathways? And those armor statues, I can catch a glimpse of pitch blackness behind the visors. Meaning that the light from outside must be heading into somewhere otherwise it would reflect off the back of the helmet. Obviously, more hidden pathways. I’m also willing to bet the servants are all trained soldiers or something. Ah right and those paintings? The arrangement is strange. So are the images. They clearly form a geometrical pattern. Considering the fact that I was summoned via what I assume to be magic, that pattern is a magic formation right? By the way, can you tell whoever’s hiding in the suit three armors behind me to stop looking at me like that? Stalking is creepy,” I replied without skipping a beat.

What can I say? I’m Sherlock Holmes. Besides that stuff really was abnormal. Of course I kept my mouth shut about the less obvious traps that I spotted. Why? Simply because all this info was definitely going to go to that bastard. He likely already thought of me as someone smart but still dumb enough to play around with. So, I figured I’d keep in line with his thoughts then tear him in half when the chance presents itself. Back to the supposed yandere watching me.

The suit of armor moved aside and revealed a dark tunnel behind it. And from that darkness, walked out a peerless out of this world beauty with snow white skin and a cold detached queenly air. No I’m just kidding. It was actually a girl around my age.

She was about 169cm high and had chestnut brown hair hung loose, all the way down to her small of her back. Her skin was a fair white that had a slight yellowish tint and radiated a pinkish glow. Her eyes were a gorgeous hazel but the despair and resignation in them ruined the look. Her slender limbs were neither too long nor too short. They were simply perfect. She was wearing a shin-length light pink dress with a bluish tint and a slight rainbow glitter. On her relatively small, and definitely delicate feet, were a pair of crystal-like 3-inch heels that glimmered like diamonds.

As for what all you perverts out there are waiting for, sorry to disappoint this isn’t a JP LN. She didn’t have giant ZZZ cup breasts like you were hoping. You have my sincerest apologies and condolences. Kindly note that I was being sarcastic about feeling sympathy for you. Back on topic, her chest was on the larger end of B but not quite a BB. As for her waist and hips, they were slightly wider than her lithe torso only by a couple millimetres. It was barely noticeable. Honestly, she leaned more towards cute and loveable than hot. Now if only she had a tender smile and a loving gaze in her eyes…… Well I guess it’s good she didn’t otherwise I might’ve fallen for her right that instant.

The instant she appeared, the knights got on their knees and shouted, “We greet the 15th princess!”

“My apologies sir hero. I was worried about how the summoning turned out so I spied on you. I am glad you are unharmed, seeing how you challenged my father in front of his loyal lapdogs.”

“… hold up a second. Did those muscleheads just call you 15th princess?”

“Yes they did sire.” She replied with ease. Does she not understand why I asked? Or perhaps she didn’t overhear what that old asshat said? Oh well I’ll go question her in private later. Oi! Don’t look at me with those gazes like you’re staring at a comrade. When I said question I meant the dictionary definition. ‘Ask (someone) questions, especially in an official context.’ And as for private, that was simply because she clearly had some secrets she wasn’t willing to reveal. Especially not in public.

How did I know that? Simple! Sadness flashed by her face by 1/20th of a second when I asked that question. Also, the emotionless face she wore was one I used to hide my own. The more extreme the feeling, the more dead the face. So, I ended the conversation.

“Understood. Whelp it’s a pleasure to meet royalty that doesn’t invoke my killing intent.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you as well sir hero. I hope you enjoy your stay. Also, please inform me if the guards act untoward towards you. They will be dealt with swiftly.” After saying that, she headed back into the passage and the ‘King’s lapdogs’ stood up.

Hearing the assurance that if they harmed me they’d be screwed, I naturally lost all reservations and began taunting them.

“So? Lapdogs was it? Is that the name of your knight order or what you are?”

“BOTH OF COURSE! Or so I wish I could say but according to the king, calling our unit ‘The Royal Lapdogs’ would damage the kingdom’s image. So, we had to settle for merely calling our fan club that. Ha… such a pitiful shame.” The speaker was the same one who asked me about the traps. He was most likely the leader of the batch. Also, his sigh was followed by that of everyone else apart from me. I swear I could see some transparent, sparkling liquid flowing out of the helmets for some of those guys…

“…… Now I’m wondering what is it he did for you guys to end up like this…… WAIT! You are guys right?”

“Of course we are? As for what the king did, well that is a very long story. Many many years ago, humans were still splintered into many factions. This was of course before the demon lord came into being. Back then, we weren’t even actual soldiers yet. Just trainees hoping to graduate soon so we could help our fathers who were in this unit before us. So here is the story passed down through generations of royal guards… Back when the kingdom was but a minute territory belonging to a worthless feudal lord…… After cutting his way through hundreds of foes, he finally reached the evil feudal lord……And so, with wit and cunning and might and valor and honor and grace and justice and majesty and charisma, alongside our forefathers of course, the glorious king Lionel Brigand the first, began his campaign across the continent……. In the battle of Rosenberg, he……. In the war for Illumia, he……. While we were marching towards the territory of count Tomson, who was….. We ran into a massive black dragon along the way. It was as large as the heavens and carried on it’s back an army of monsters as ubiquitous as the stars themselves…… It was a long hard fought war, but under the king’s leadership we pushed back the monsters and only sustained minor casualties…… After conquering Tomson’s land, we went after duke Hauser…… Eventually, we managed to surround our enemies and trap them within the abyssal caverns…… But who would’ve thought, that those cowardly, conniving bastards would summon the current demon lord…… It was another long campaign, but through genius tactics, the king managed to push back the forces of darkness and seal off the demon lord. Unfortunately, the seal is starting to break and the damned beast is starting to wake. The last great holy war cost countless sacrifices, and the king has grown weak with age. So, he decided t- LORD HERO?! WHERE DID YOU GO?! MEN! HURRY UP AND FIND LORD HERO OR WE CAN NEVER FACE KING LIONEL AGAIN!!”

“WHAT?! THAT WOULD BE WORSE THAN DEATH! WE MUST FIND LORD HERO AT ONCE!” the supposedly closet gays shouted in unison. For all I know they were open homos. Oh and if you’re wondering where I was, I opened up the passage hidden behind the statue that the princess went into and entered while those fucktards were so engrossed in the story. By the time they started searching, I was long gone. As for how I heard them, let me answer that question with another question. How far away do you have to be to NOT hear earth shaking thunder?


Author’s note: if this story is well received, and I feel up to it a.k.a motivated, I’ll write about the king’s history as the prequel to this one. Also, I apologize if this chap wasn’t as good as the last one. I wrote chap 1 under a moment of enlightenment found in the midst of depression. Plus, I was dead tired when I wrote this. Last excuse: I’m dialing the comedy and scheming down a bit to focus on plot progression and world building. Oh and I don’t expect to earn any money from this one, so comments for encouragements would be nice. BTW I have some ideas for a cover photo but completely lack art skills. If someone wants to volunteer to make one, you can contact me through the comments. Just leave some way for me to get in touch with you.


Written By H0RR1BL3CPU

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6 Replies to “Hero – Chapter 2: The Bastard Is Actually Kind Of Badass?”

  1. Javidom

    i hope you will not give this up, this story is funny
    (and don’t worry, nobody is going to kill you for not updating xDDDD or will they?)

    Reply
  2. Rexflexz

    I’m quite liking how this is turning out too. It’s an interesting point of view, especially how the king actually had some prestige, as opposed to the usual stupid asshole kings we see. Thanks for the chapter!

    Reply

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